Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
