Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.