I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
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my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
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Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.