Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?