just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.