dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP