My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
