i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
