If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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