we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
