So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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