Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
We need to get me chipped asap
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
