I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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