when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
