I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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