I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
