i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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