There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
