wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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