is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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