If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
