He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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