I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
