I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
