Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
