Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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