hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
