Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Randomize
