dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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