Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I will pee on everything he values.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
