I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
