I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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