You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
