You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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