On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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