Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
