I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
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Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
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This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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