So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Randomize
