I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
