Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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