What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
