Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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