my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
