its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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