I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
