Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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