I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
