And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
