im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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