So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
