i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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