I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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