I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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