Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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