she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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