Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
