You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
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tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
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So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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