Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
