me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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