Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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