Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
