The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Come see our sink grown plant.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize