sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
