As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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