She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Randomize
