Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
So vagazzling was a success
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
