well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
