i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
