He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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