I am in a vortex of obligation.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
