So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
