It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Blow job season was short but glorious.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
