That's when you crack a 10am beer
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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