I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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