The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
