Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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