It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
