You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
